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Name:
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SloTime
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Subject:
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How to Drive in Atlanta
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Date:
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11/26/2007 2:42:52 PM
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I know there are some of you who live in the Metro Atlanta area, so you can ignore this message. This is for those of you who may succumb to the urge to try to drive in Atlanta. Please read and heed.
HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA -- GOOD LUCK !
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Etlanna.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. Anything
less is considered 'Wussy'.
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Atlanta has its own
version of traffic rules. For example, cars or trucks with the loudest
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest
tires go second. However, in Roswell & Alpharetta, SUV-driving, cell
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
cussed out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Atlanta and
surrounding counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your
entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the
next day's driving a bit more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers, shredded tires, cell phoners,
deer and other road kill, and the buzzards feeding on any of these
items.
9. MapQuest does not work here, none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off and on
ramps are moved each night.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
activated. '
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon
for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church
on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
13. Above all else, enjoy your driving experience, because if you
actually get where you are going on time, everybody else will be
late.
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