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| Name: |
Earl Pitts
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| Subject: |
To Get You Going
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Date:
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2/23/2004 11:52:53 AM
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1. Only in the USA......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in USA......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in USA......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in the USA.......do people order double cheeseburgers,large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in the USA......do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters!
6. Only in America.......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars
in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7 Only in America.....do we use answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America.......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER!
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
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| Name: |
SloTime
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| Subject: |
To Keep You Going
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Date:
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2/23/2004 7:49:06 PM
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ETERNAL TRUTHS
1. Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
2. I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.
3. If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
4. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
6. I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
7. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
8. If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
9. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
10. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
11. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
12. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
13. Some days are a total waste of makeup.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
16. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
17. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
18. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
21. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself .
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