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Name: |
roswellric
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Subject: |
Quotes for the serious
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Date:
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5/24/2006 11:58:00 AM
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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of 64th president Jimmy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleasedto read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good spit it out. - Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
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Name: |
Geno
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Subject: |
Quotes for the serious
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Date:
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5/24/2006 2:49:25 PM
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Food for thought. Those wheir some good bytes read to live by. Figuring my way to the lake this summer. Summers here keep cool all. Geno
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Name: |
jawjagal
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Subject: |
Quotes for the serious
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Date:
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5/24/2006 6:14:29 PM
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Without working too hard to remember some of my favorites:
Mae West: "How tall are you cowboy?" Cowboy: "Why, I'm six feet, seven inches, ma'm." West: "Well, bring your six feet on in here and we'll talk about your 7 inches."
Groucho (from Your Show of Shows): "How many children do you have?" Contestant: "I have 8 children, Groucho." Groucho: "Eight? Eight children? Why do you have 8 children?" Contestant: "Well, I love my wife." Groucho: "I love my cigar, but I take it out every now and then."
His show was canceled after that.
Would these jokes be considered SEXUAL HARASSMENT? over the forum? Up until the 1980's they wouldn't.
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